P.S. I Need a Hug

        Have you ever had a couple of cats living together for years that just never got along no matter what?  Well, Dear Cat Loving Reader, that has been the case with me and my furry sibling, Blue.  Yes, in case you don't know, I am a cat who is chronicling tidbits of my life. When I was adopted by the Hun family, they already had two cats named Pinkie and Pepper. Pinkie was the Alpha and very independent. He kept to himself.  But Pepper, who was the most affectionate, was very lonely.  They thought I would be good company for her.  A few patient steps were taken before Pepper and I were formally introduced to one another. At first we were isolated from each other so neither one of us would stress out. Within a week, I was put into a room with a French door that allowed Pepper and I to watch each other through the glass panels. I was also given a blanket with Pepper’s scent and vice versa.  This was done in order for Pepper and I to get used to each other's scent. Finally I was left in the open for short periods where we would spend time feeling each other out which ended in flattened, pulled back ears and mutual hissing. Pepper was the Beta and she was blessed with polydactyl paws, so I had to respect that.  

Eventually, we became close friends.

       Then....along came Blue. Blue’s mother who was just a kitten herself, had abandoned him in the Hun's backyard as a newborn. The Hun heard Blue's cries and took him in saying that they would release him back outside when he was old enough as they couldn’t keep three cats. In the meantime, He received all of the attention for several months by not only the Hun’s who took time off from their jobs to take turns feeding him from a bottle and expressing his lower abdomen to stimulate him to relieve himself, much like his mother would have done in his early weeks before he could go to the bathroom on his own. I was completely ignored. But, at least not by Pinkie and Pepper, who resented Blue’s presence as well. We teamed up in order to protect our territory from Blue, who looked like little mouse. But, we never had the chance as the Huns had him under tight surveillance.

        When his ears finally popped out and his eyes opened, the Huns would allow us to smell him but both Pepper and I simply hissed. Pinkie retreated to a separate area of the house. Blue was finally old enough to be left in a cage for us to observe him while the Huns were away at work. 

         As the days wore on I saw Pepper trying to reach his paw into the kitten’s cage to touch him. When the Hun’s finally released Blue from his cage, His hind legs were a little wobbly but he was fast little rascal.  At first Pepper would be wearing a mean frown and glare at Blue, stealthily following him as a hunter would its prey.  Pepper appeared as if to attack Blue. But the Hun’s were always close by supervising.

        Blue had no quorums when it came to eating. As he got stronger and we became more tolerant with his presence, he would eat with us and share the food from our dishes. Once Blue's wet nose leather had made contact with Pinkies food dish, Pinkie would walk away from it in disdain. I didn’t like to share with Blue and was relieved when the Huns gave him a separate bowl with kitten chow and kitten soft food. However, Pepper seemed to like Blue’s richer food and would steal the little tot’s leftovers. I too would try to taste some of the leftovers but was disciplined by Pepper, who was second in command to Pinkie, the Alpha cat.  I noticed that Blue would follow Pepper and I all around the house and would be constantly hugging me and Pepper like a child would its mother. At first, Pepper and I would be swatting Blue away and rejecting his gestures of affection. Then, something happed that I never expected. Pepper’s interest in Blue began to grow.

      The next thing I knew, Pepper was teaching Blue how to use the litter box and also helping him to bathe.  The two of them became inseparable. They began sleeping and playing together and I felt very left out. Blue began to eat faster than me and would boldly try to steal my food while I was still eating!  I was wondering when the Huns were going to release him back outside like they had said. I began taking my frustrations out on Blue, and Pepper would turn on me in front of Blue. Blue had found a protector in Pepper. I also noticed that the Huns were constantly cuddling and kissing Blue and admiring his little white mitts and calling him their “furry child”. I had white mitts too and black cummerbunds with pink paw pads, but they never complimented them. Then the worst thing of all happened. The Huns began allowing Blue to sleep with them in their bed as well. I may as well have been invisible as far as they were concerned.

     Where did I fit into this picture?  Well, I took what I could get from Pepper. As Blue got older he became belligerent, needy and annoying to Pepper, and I was beginning to matter again. I think my quiet, sensitive nature was a comfort to Pepper over Blue’s bellicosity.  The attention I received from Pepper as opposed to what she gave to Blue became more balanced and I got used to her and Blue’s relationship. I had grown accustomed to some me time and enjoyed having peace and quiet from the two of them. At bedtime, I would sleep next to Pepper, who would still affectionately and meticulously groom me, and then she’d switch over to Blue who slept on the other side of her, when he wasn’t sleeping in between the Huns.  Years had passed when Pepper suddenly became weak and sickly.

      After Pepper died from cancer (a whole other story), I felt so empty and alone. I had come to rely on Pepper’s closeness and had taken her existence for granted, never taking the time to develop a relationship with Blue, only tolerating and resenting him. Here we were just Blue and I never to be comforted again by our wise, dear friend and sibling, Pepper.  She was the glue that held us together.  I remember seeing Pepper struggling in pain that final morning, as she selflessly climbed the long staircase one step at a time, until she reached the Hun’s bedroom door, to ask for our food for us as always.  Pepper was a cat that was a class act and I will miss her.  Blue and I grieved for months along with the Huns, but we grieved separately.  One day, Blue gave me the warmest hug, and for a moment I felt as if Pepper was comforting me, but when I realized it was Blue, I successively scratched and hissed at him, until he got the message never to hug me again. I regret that. After living with Blue for five years, I wonder…. will he ever furgive me?